Swayze to become Heaven's "Cooler"

Mark it for Brad and Grant...

Welcome to 2009, the year Death acted like a total butthole. I thought the only time you’re allowed to declare Patrick Swayze a dead man is after he tells you there’s always barber college.



“Patrick Swayze passed away peacefully today with family at his side after facing the challenges of his illness for the last 20 months,” said a statement released Monday evening by his publicist, Annett Wolf. No other details were given.

He was Dalton, he was Bodhi, he saved Baby from the corner, where she surely would’ve been aborted by parents who didn’t understand the dance. Has anyone else ever been in so many bad movies that everyone loves? Not to mention, he was the best part of Donnie Darko and co-starred in arguably the most memorable SNL sketch of the 90s. And in all honesty, anyone who doesn’t have at least two or three glowy, pop-culture nostalgia memories involving Patrick Swayze is a two-bit liar and a charlatan, and I wouldn’t sit next to him if it was the last seat on an escape pod.